i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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