Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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