Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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