My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
