Yo dont text me then not text me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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