I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
God, I missed his penis.
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