is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Panties = found
Randomize
