Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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