you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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