I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
