We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
