You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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