just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
