If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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