You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
