Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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