So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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