i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
