Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
