She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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