As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
