If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
