i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
