youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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