i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
