the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
