i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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