I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
