Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
