i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
