i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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