she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
