The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
