he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
