yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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