I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
