I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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