They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
