I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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