Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
