I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
