Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
