i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
