he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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