I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
