how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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