I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
