I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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