My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
