can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
