You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
