I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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