I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
