Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
