i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
