The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
