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I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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