I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
