I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
