i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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