I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
