when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
3pm strippers are depressing
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
