Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
